manna to sustain me

So I have been feeling pretty lonely and just in a desert place lately. Really feeling like our time in Chattanooga has been that way... but especially lately I've felt it. And I know God hasn't forgotten me, He still has plans for my future and good things in the future, but sometimes it's hard to live like I believe that and to have hope. So a few days ago I asked God to remind me that He hasn't forgotten me. And here are some ways that God has reminded me lately and sustained me, even in the midst of hard things that have happened. I think of it like the manna God gave to the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert for 40 years. It wasn't anything special, but it was enough to sustain them. They were in a desert, in a hard place, but still they had the reminder each morning that God was sustaining and caring for them. Here are ways God has done that for me lately:

-I was told that an organization that was paying me to teach an art class was no longer going to be able to pay me to give the class. Since that happened I've suddenly had 8 new people sign up for lessons, and more calling or emailing to say they want to sign up. For the last two months I've hardly had any interest in lessons, but suddenly I have a lot.
- I decided to give some money that I made from selling things on ebay to a ministry in Ghana, even though lately a lot of people buying things from me on ebay haven't been following through with payment. I gave the donation last night, and this morning someone made a payment on a big group of dolls that I had given up expecting payment on (I could have eventually relisted them and gotten my money back, it just takes up my time and is frustrating).
-A time of meeting with a new friend is refreshing and encouraging, and she even surprises me with some gifts for the baby.

There are some more things I know that I can't think of right now, and maybe as I remember them I'll add them to the list. But I am very thankful for these small yet large things; these reminders that God is still taking care of me and providing for me.

Starting to look pregnant photos...

It seems like it has taken forever to get to this point... but I am finally starting to look pregnant. I guess I should be happy that it's taken this long... and I am thankful that I'm not already feeling huge and hopefully won't feel that way until close to the end. But it is nice to at least look a little pregnant. ;) I can finally post a few photos.

Parenting decisions, random thoughts, etc.

I have lots of random thoughts today...a lot of what I am thinking about now is all the decisions that need to be made once we actually have a baby. Not even decisions about HOW to have a baby, which is a whole other topic which I will talk more about after I actually have had a baby and went through that whole process. But I'm thinking about the things that are usually decided right after they are born. Such as: circumcision, vaccinations, choice of diapers, breastfeeding, choice of pediatrician, etc. In many of those things you could just do what the "norm" is and not put in too much thought. I probably would've done that a few years ago, and I'm not criticizing those who do that. Yet I don't want to just do what is normal because it is normal... I want to at least learn a bit about the options and do what seems best to me/us. Granted, my choices will in no way be perfect, and often it is hard to know the fact from the myth in some of these topics. And of course it also comes down to asking God for guidance and trusting Him that he'll take care of our baby whether we do the "best" thing or not. But still I want to be informed.

Vaccinations are the big thing that I've been thinking about lately. Do babies really need ALL those vaccinations? Do they need any? What are the possible positive and negative effects of vaccines? What about all the rumors about a preservative in them causing autism? Maybe some of you out there can give me some feedback on this, and what your choice was for your child or children. I don't believe that all vaccinations are necessarily bad... yet I also don't believe that babies need all the vaccinations that are recommended today. I mean, what's so bad about getting chicken pox? That vaccine really seems like just a way for pharmaceutical companies to make money. So, just thinking about all these things. Just being amazed at how many decisions there are. And yet God's grace covers us and our decisions and our mistakes. I am so thankful for that.



Now some other random things...
Recent favorite quote:
"For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted to give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self."--Henri Houwen

I think that describes me a lot and where I am at. God is teaching me not to look to please others for my security, but to look to Him. It is a painful process sometimes. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

My recent favorite song is called "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser. You can listen to it here. The video is not the greatest, but just listen to the song. Some of the lyrics are below:

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Friends

Had a great time this week with Robin and Melissa, friends who came to visit from PA. We spent some time in Nashville on Tue. and also saw my brother and his wife while we were there, then the rest of the week they stayed at our house in Chattanooga. Now I am sad because they just left a couple of hours ago. Here are a few photos from their visit:





<--at the Parthenon in Nashville
















At B.B. King's restaurant in downtown Nashville:













Robin "reading" her book:
John and Erica at B.B. King's:


Robin, me, and Melissa in front of Kyle's garden: