So today I went to buy a bag of rabbit food at the nearby feed store. This is in a part of Chattanooga, not way out in the country somewhere- although it is still an area that has a small town type of feel. An old white gentleman, probably in his late 60's, carried the 50 lb. bag out to my car for me. As he put it in my car, he mumbled angrily, "That person's wearing an Obama t-shirt. What's he doing that for?". I asked him what was wrong with wearing an Obama t-shirt. He replied matter of factly, "He's black!" (referring to Obama). I asked what's wrong with being black. He said, "You must not know much about history... you know what went on here a long time ago... with slavery and all that?". I said, "Yeah..." He said, "Well that's why Obama wants to get elected. He's going to make us into the slaves! Bring all that back!". At that point I said I didn't agree with him. And after he went on a little bit more, I asked him if he was a Christian. He said "Yeah, I'm a Christian!" and proceeded to quote four or five Bible verses to prove it. I said, "Well, I'm a Christian too, and I believe God sees us and loves us all the same- white or black. " He then said, "Well I wasn't talking about Christianity! I was talking about politics!" then he quoted several more Bible verses and told me that he wouldn't be here without Jesus, and neither would I. I agreed, told him I hoped he had a nice day, and got into my car. He did say, as I got into my car, "Maybe I shouldn't have said that the way it came out."
The mix of emotions I felt ran from rage, to sadness, to disbelief. I just could not believe that someone still today would say something like that- outrightly say that what's wrong with Obama is that he's black! And it's also insane what he and other people I've talked to here in Chattanooga have said about Obama as reasons not to vote for him. I'm sure there are legitimate reasons to give to not vote for him- but the fact that he's black, or the claim that he's muslim because of his name, or that he's going to institute white slavery-- those are not real reasons!!
But this is what I felt as I looked into that man's eyes, toward the end of our conversation, as I was trying very hard not to say something I would regret. I thought/felt God speak to me... "This man will be in heaven with me." Yes, this man probably is a true believer. And, the amazing thing is that as I stand there being so outraged that someone, especially a believer, would say something so racist, God looks at him with eyes of total and complete love and grace... something that I am totally unable to do in that moment. Something I am still struggling to do. It is easy for me to think of myself as better than him. It is easy for me to become prideful. But, God calls me to love the white racist, just as he calls me to love people of other races. Right now, loving someone who is racist feels a lot harder. Lord, help me to see him with eyes of grace. I do not know his background, his education or lack of eduction, where he grew up, what experiences he has had. Please help me to love him and those I encounter with ideas like his. At the same time, please open his eyes to Your love for those who are different from him. Amen.
It's officially been a year since I stopped teaching full time (at a public school... granted I still teach when I give art lessons). It is hard to believe it's been a year! After three years of teaching in the same school I was very ready for a change. Now it is also cool to see that we have not went broke over the past year with me not working full time! haha. A lot of that is by God's provision... and Kyle is also wonderful at managing finances & keeping a budget. I decided I would rather be poor and happy instead of have more money and really be hating my job every day (not that I hated it EVERY day... but overall it was mostly like that). Since teachers don't get paid a whole lot, I must really be poor now! ;) It can be a bit scary now at times because when I am feeling sick (like for a month or two when I had morning sickness), or when I am just very low on energy, it can be hard to get a whole lot accomplished and I wonder how I will make "enough" money. And I know that when I have a baby it will be even harder to get work done! Some days lately I have even wanted to go
back to working a regular job. Simply because then I have a regular schedule that I have to adhere to instead of making my own schedule. But I know that I would end up regretting that, and I know that God has been giving me favor with my art lessons. And I even had someone from a newspaper randomly call me last week because they saw one of my art lesson fliers and I guess it mentioned on the flier that I am an artist... so they are going to interview me for a section in the newspaper where they do profiles on artists. And I haven't even been doing much art at all lately! Yet it just seems that God is blessing that. So I guess i should be content with that. Most of this year, I have really enjoyed what I've been doing. I've enjoyed working with the kids in art lessons, and more recently working with adults as well. I've also enjoyed selling dolls and other things on ebay. Antiques & collectibles are something I've always enjoyed finding and learning about. And I've enjoyed having the flexibility to sometimes spend time with people during the day, and just to set my own schedule. Overall I am very blessed. Even when I am overwhelmed by the huge collection of dolls I bought, and the amount of time it will take to sell them... and when I am feeling uncertain of my abilities as a teacher or as an artist... or wondering how we will make enough money once we have a baby...I am very blessed. I think I'll post some photos of my paintings.
