Exciting!

Well a lot has happened since I've last written...
we've elected the first black president! That is exciting. I know Obama isn't perfect, but I do have hope that he really does desire to do what's best, and will try to do what's best for our country, and hopefully for those who are less fortunate- not just the wealthy. I also think it's very cool how he inspired many new voters to get involved with politics and vote.

Some friends from my church gave me a wonderful baby shower a couple of weeks ago, and you can see photos from it here.

I am now about 39 weeks pregnant. I will try to post photos here after the baby is born- and on my facebook page. So check either one.

random

Only 5 more weeks til my due date. That is very exciting and a little scary as well. Time has seemed to pass very quickly during pregnancy and I know it will go even quicker once we have a baby! I think we have mainly all that we need, besides a few small things, and the only big thing we need are the good cloth diapers which are quite expensive. I think we'll go with disposables for the first month or two, then invest in some high quality reusable diapers. I am so thankful for so many people who have given me things for the baby! And my church is giving me a shower next weekend and I am very excited for that as well. It is easy to worry about all that we will need, all the decisions we need to make, and all the changes that will happen in our life once we have a baby. But at this moment I feel at peace about it all and I am grateful for that. We even found a birthing ball at a yard sale today. We did not have a productive morning of yard saling this morning as far as finding things to resell, but we did get a birthing ball and Kyle was very excited that he found tomato cages for his tomato plants. Apparently they are $6 each at the store, which isn't much, but he needs about 10 so that's about $60 that he didn't want to spend. I didn't think he'd find some at a yard sale- but he did. He found about 10 for $1. Not too bad. :) And a friend let us borrow her birthing ball, but our cat decided it made a good scratching post so it has been gradually deflating... but thankfully we found this one today. Now I haven't told my friend yet about the fate of hers... guess I need to do that soon. And maybe she will take this one as replacement for her old one after the birth. Well, this has been a random post, but let me include a recent photo of myself. I know that I do not look like I am due to have a baby in 5 weeks. Everyone tells me that. I guess it should be a compliment but I am tired of hearing it. I am tall, okay?

Sunset Rock & Update

Here are a few photos from a place on the top of Lookout Mountain here in Chattanooga called Sunset Rock.











Also, it's been awhile since I've written, and there are some new things going on for us. Although we thought we'd be staying in Chattanooga for a long time, we've recently realized that when Kyle finishes up his PhD here, we will be moving on. Kyle has decided he'd rather work somewhere outside of Chattanooga (there is really only one place he could work here in Chattanooga in his field- and he's realized its not the ideal place for him). And since Kyle's realized that, we've felt God confirming that we will be leaving- but probably not for another year and a half (a year at the earliest).
Recently Kyle went to a conference in Victoria, B.C., and while there he visited the University of Victoria and spoke with people there about the possibility of doing his post doctorate there. They said that they would be happy to have him there- so it looks like that is where we will be going. He really likes the research they are doing there, and feels it would be a good fit for him. It also really looks like a God thing. We are excited because it is a beautiful place- we visited Victoria on our honeymoon and dreamed of "retiring" there some day. It is also a 2-3 hour ferry ride to Seattle from Victoria, which is where Kyle's family lives. I will be sad to be so far from my family, but I am excited for the adventure ahead- and MOST of all I am excited to live by the ocean/bay!! I have always always wanted to live near the ocean.... I know lots of people want that... but for some reason I have just always felt really connected to the ocean. So that is really something I am very excited about as well. You all will have to come and visit us there!! :) Oh- I should also mention it is only a two year position for Kyle- so we aren't sure where we'll end up after that. But we will see...

good things

Good things...
-trading art lessons for birthing classes and milk (from someone who has a cow). I think our country would be much better off if we switched to a barter system. Relationships are formed that way. I bet it would make people less greedy.
- my neighbor finding cloth diapers for me at a yard sale- some of the good kind! yay!
-selling a lot of the dolls I've had stored up, so that I have more room for other things, such as baby stuff... and the baby when the time comes.
-good appointments with my midwives
-for a long time we spent a lot of money on a special diet cat food for our cat, but she didn't lose weight, even when we hardly fed her any of it. now, we bought some cheap cat food and she doesn't like it, so she doesn't eat very much of it, and now she is losing weight! (this is good for her health but she doesn't think it's very nice that we don't give her the good cat food anymore).
-beautiful, colorful, fresh sweet peppers from our garden
- cooler weather
-our dog is happy to play with a pair of kyle's old underwear tied into a knot (she doesn't know it's because we are too cheap to buy her real toys).
-feeling safe and at peace in my home, even when we don't live in the safest neighborhood.
-the way that God works all things out for the good
- fresh catnip for our cat to play with

more photos @ 26 weeks

manna to sustain me

So I have been feeling pretty lonely and just in a desert place lately. Really feeling like our time in Chattanooga has been that way... but especially lately I've felt it. And I know God hasn't forgotten me, He still has plans for my future and good things in the future, but sometimes it's hard to live like I believe that and to have hope. So a few days ago I asked God to remind me that He hasn't forgotten me. And here are some ways that God has reminded me lately and sustained me, even in the midst of hard things that have happened. I think of it like the manna God gave to the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert for 40 years. It wasn't anything special, but it was enough to sustain them. They were in a desert, in a hard place, but still they had the reminder each morning that God was sustaining and caring for them. Here are ways God has done that for me lately:

-I was told that an organization that was paying me to teach an art class was no longer going to be able to pay me to give the class. Since that happened I've suddenly had 8 new people sign up for lessons, and more calling or emailing to say they want to sign up. For the last two months I've hardly had any interest in lessons, but suddenly I have a lot.
- I decided to give some money that I made from selling things on ebay to a ministry in Ghana, even though lately a lot of people buying things from me on ebay haven't been following through with payment. I gave the donation last night, and this morning someone made a payment on a big group of dolls that I had given up expecting payment on (I could have eventually relisted them and gotten my money back, it just takes up my time and is frustrating).
-A time of meeting with a new friend is refreshing and encouraging, and she even surprises me with some gifts for the baby.

There are some more things I know that I can't think of right now, and maybe as I remember them I'll add them to the list. But I am very thankful for these small yet large things; these reminders that God is still taking care of me and providing for me.

Starting to look pregnant photos...

It seems like it has taken forever to get to this point... but I am finally starting to look pregnant. I guess I should be happy that it's taken this long... and I am thankful that I'm not already feeling huge and hopefully won't feel that way until close to the end. But it is nice to at least look a little pregnant. ;) I can finally post a few photos.

Parenting decisions, random thoughts, etc.

I have lots of random thoughts today...a lot of what I am thinking about now is all the decisions that need to be made once we actually have a baby. Not even decisions about HOW to have a baby, which is a whole other topic which I will talk more about after I actually have had a baby and went through that whole process. But I'm thinking about the things that are usually decided right after they are born. Such as: circumcision, vaccinations, choice of diapers, breastfeeding, choice of pediatrician, etc. In many of those things you could just do what the "norm" is and not put in too much thought. I probably would've done that a few years ago, and I'm not criticizing those who do that. Yet I don't want to just do what is normal because it is normal... I want to at least learn a bit about the options and do what seems best to me/us. Granted, my choices will in no way be perfect, and often it is hard to know the fact from the myth in some of these topics. And of course it also comes down to asking God for guidance and trusting Him that he'll take care of our baby whether we do the "best" thing or not. But still I want to be informed.

Vaccinations are the big thing that I've been thinking about lately. Do babies really need ALL those vaccinations? Do they need any? What are the possible positive and negative effects of vaccines? What about all the rumors about a preservative in them causing autism? Maybe some of you out there can give me some feedback on this, and what your choice was for your child or children. I don't believe that all vaccinations are necessarily bad... yet I also don't believe that babies need all the vaccinations that are recommended today. I mean, what's so bad about getting chicken pox? That vaccine really seems like just a way for pharmaceutical companies to make money. So, just thinking about all these things. Just being amazed at how many decisions there are. And yet God's grace covers us and our decisions and our mistakes. I am so thankful for that.



Now some other random things...
Recent favorite quote:
"For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted to give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self."--Henri Houwen

I think that describes me a lot and where I am at. God is teaching me not to look to please others for my security, but to look to Him. It is a painful process sometimes. But I know it will be worth it in the end.

My recent favorite song is called "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser. You can listen to it here. The video is not the greatest, but just listen to the song. Some of the lyrics are below:

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Friends

Had a great time this week with Robin and Melissa, friends who came to visit from PA. We spent some time in Nashville on Tue. and also saw my brother and his wife while we were there, then the rest of the week they stayed at our house in Chattanooga. Now I am sad because they just left a couple of hours ago. Here are a few photos from their visit:





<--at the Parthenon in Nashville
















At B.B. King's restaurant in downtown Nashville:













Robin "reading" her book:
John and Erica at B.B. King's:


Robin, me, and Melissa in front of Kyle's garden:

Thankful

Why is it so hard to be thankful or so easy to forget to be thankful? I was thinking about how much an attitude of thankfulness could really change the way I see life. I would like to be a more thankful person. When I am stressed because my house is messy, instead I could be thankful that I have a house to live in. I think my life would be a lot more joy filled if I had the more thankful perspective. I have so much to be thankful for compared to so many people in the world who are just struggling to find their next meal. It is so hard to comprehend that reality. But along with being thankful for big things, I'd also like to be more thankful for small things. Such as butterflies. And ice cream. And music. So I am going to try to cultivate an attitude of thankfulness, with God's help... since I can't do it on my own. Here are some things I am thankful for...in no particular order...

• going to Nashville this weekend to spend time with my parents, brother, and sister-in-law
• my parents generosity in giving us so many things
• my new watercolor class that I recently started teaching- the women in it are great and I think it will be really fun.
• Robin and Melissa, friends from college, are coming to visit in about a week and a half.
  
• Kyle's garden and all the great food we get from it.
• Being able to work from home and have my own schedule.
• Being able to feel our baby moving around inside of me every now and then (a recent development).
• our church and the people in it.
• our neighborhood.
• Kyle.
• God's grace.
• Our neighbors, Amanda and Ryan, who help watch out for our house and trade produce with us.
  
• Sunshine, and living somewhere where the sun shines most of the time (unlike the town I grew up in where it was usually cloudy or snowing most of the year ;).
  

Strange Pregnancy Experiences

Things that happen when you're pregnant (well, at least to me):
-lately I am more affected by any sad thing that I may hear about or see, such as seeing an injured cat while going for a walk in the neighborhood. I saw one when Kyle and I were trying to go for a relaxing walk about a week ago, and it brought me to tears, for awhile, and brought me to tears even more when Kyle couldn't understand why I was so upset! And hearing a sad story on the news can make me start to cry as well... something that doesn't usually happen to me on a regular basis.
-those billboards for hamburgers and other foods have a much more overpowering effect on me! I think they are targeting pregnant women with those!
-I definitely want to eat lots of hamburgers. Even when I don't see a billboard.
-something that doesn't happen: I don't end up looking pregnant. Not yet really. Maybe a little bit. But most people wouldn't notice.
-Yet, most of my "normal" pants and shorts no longer fit, but maternity clothes are still too big.
- My cat, hope, receives most/more of my mothering instinct right now. :)
-If I stay out in the sun on a hot day for any length of time, I am wiped out for the rest of the day.
-I have very strange dreams... such as dreaming that I gave birth to a puppy (I hear that's normal during pregnancy... but it's still weird!).

Things I've Learned Lately

Random things I've learned lately:

• My friend and wonderful neighbor told me about something called freecycle- it's a group in different cities where people give away stuff they no longer need so that it doesn't go into the landfill. You can go here to find out more about it: http://www.freecycle.org/I've only been a member for a few days but it's neat to see all the stuff that is given away. I always love free stuff- and when it's saving on trash that's even better!
• You can use baking soda and dish soap to clean a bathtub. And it worked better than the tub cleaner I had (which was from the dollar store... so that shouldn't be too much of a surprise).
  
• I like the texture of tofu when I mash it up/crumble it, but not when it's cubed. (I recently tried cooking w/ tofu for the first time).
• I think I'm lactose intolerant or allergic to milk products. Good to know; sad because I miss dairy products. :(
  
• Pinto beans taste pretty good cooked in a crock pot.
• For approximately every 5 people that contact me about art lessons, one of them will end up taking lessons.
  

Being inspired by the garden and a poem...

Hoping to make my daily life a little more like this poem that I read today... trying to appreciate the little things in life:

Each day, upon my daily round,
I find myself on holy ground--
The morning-glories on my fence
Inspire quiet reverence.
Just one small, tender seedling grew,
and now, this miracle in blue.
A robin in the apple tree
Sings out his glad doxology.
I hear the pure, unsullied joy
Of laughter from a little boy;
I bow before the firm belief
And faith of one who lives with grief;
I watch a jet plane skim the skies
And marvel at man's enterprise;
I look upon a field of wheat
And thank God for the bread we eat;
I watch the benedictive rain
On low-bowed heads of flower and grain.
A friend drops in, a neighbor calls,
The lamps are lit, night gently falls;
Contentment settles with the sun
In labors of the day well done.
So many little altars there,
So many simple calls to prayer,
So many reasons for thanksgiving--
The sacraments of daily living.
--Helen Lowrie Marshall

And some photos from Kyle's garden because they go so well with that poem:

It truly has been amazing to see all the things that he's been growing. Although I do not enjoy the tediousness of gardening, I do appreciate seeing things grow and eating the wonderful food! I guess that's the easy part... ;) Thanks for all your hard work Kyle!

Officially One Year of Not Teaching

It's officially been a year since I stopped teaching full time (at a public school... granted I still teach when I give art lessons). It is hard to believe it's been a year! After three years of teaching in the same school I was very ready for a change. Now it is also cool to see that we have not went broke over the past year with me not working full time! haha. A lot of that is by God's provision... and Kyle is also wonderful at managing finances & keeping a budget. I decided I would rather be poor and happy instead of have more money and really be hating my job every day (not that I hated it EVERY day... but overall it was mostly like that). Since teachers don't get paid a whole lot, I must really be poor now! ;) It can be a bit scary now at times because when I am feeling sick (like for a month or two when I had morning sickness), or when I am just very low on energy, it can be hard to get a whole lot accomplished and I wonder how I will make "enough" money. And I know that when I have a baby it will be even harder to get work done! Some days lately I have even wanted to go back to working a regular job. Simply because then I have a regular schedule that I have to adhere to instead of making my own schedule. But I know that I would end up regretting that, and I know that God has been giving me favor with my art lessons. And I even had someone from a newspaper randomly call me last week because they saw one of my art lesson fliers and I guess it mentioned on the flier that I am an artist... so they are going to interview me for a section in the newspaper where they do profiles on artists. And I haven't even been doing much art at all lately! Yet it just seems that God is blessing that. So I guess i should be content with that. Most of this year, I have really enjoyed what I've been doing. I've enjoyed working with the kids in art lessons, and more recently working with adults as well. I've also enjoyed selling dolls and other things on ebay. Antiques & collectibles are something I've always enjoyed finding and learning about. And I've enjoyed having the flexibility to sometimes spend time with people during the day, and just to set my own schedule. Overall I am very blessed. Even when I am overwhelmed by the huge collection of dolls I bought, and the amount of time it will take to sell them... and when I am feeling uncertain of my abilities as a teacher or as an artist... or wondering how we will make enough money once we have a baby...I am very blessed. I think I'll post some photos of my paintings.

Grace: even for the racist at the feed store

So today I went to buy a bag of rabbit food at the nearby feed store. This is in a part of Chattanooga, not way out in the country somewhere- although it is still an area that has a small town type of feel. An old white gentleman, probably in his late 60's, carried the 50 lb. bag out to my car for me. As he put it in my car, he mumbled angrily, "That person's wearing an Obama t-shirt. What's he doing that for?". I asked him what was wrong with wearing an Obama t-shirt. He replied matter of factly, "He's black!" (referring to Obama). I asked what's wrong with being black. He said, "You must not know much about history... you know what went on here a long time ago... with slavery and all that?". I said, "Yeah..." He said, "Well that's why Obama wants to get elected. He's going to make us into the slaves! Bring all that back!". At that point I said I didn't agree with him. And after he went on a little bit more, I asked him if he was a Christian. He said "Yeah, I'm a Christian!" and proceeded to quote four or five Bible verses to prove it. I said, "Well, I'm a Christian too, and I believe God sees us and loves us all the same- white or black. " He then said, "Well I wasn't talking about Christianity! I was talking about politics!" then he quoted several more Bible verses and told me that he wouldn't be here without Jesus, and neither would I. I agreed, told him I hoped he had a nice day, and got into my car. He did say, as I got into my car, "Maybe I shouldn't have said that the way it came out."

The mix of emotions I felt ran from rage, to sadness, to disbelief. I just could not believe that someone still today would say something like that- outrightly say that what's wrong with Obama is that he's black! And it's also insane what he and other people I've talked to here in Chattanooga have said about Obama as reasons not to vote for him. I'm sure there are legitimate reasons to give to not vote for him- but the fact that he's black, or the claim that he's muslim because of his name, or that he's going to institute white slavery-- those are not real reasons!!

But this is what I felt as I looked into that man's eyes, toward the end of our conversation, as I was trying very hard not to say something I would regret. I thought/felt God speak to me... "This man will be in heaven with me." Yes, this man probably is a true believer. And, the amazing thing is that as I stand there being so outraged that someone, especially a believer, would say something so racist, God looks at him with eyes of total and complete love and grace... something that I am totally unable to do in that moment. Something I am still struggling to do. It is easy for me to think of myself as better than him. It is easy for me to become prideful. But, God calls me to love the white racist, just as he calls me to love people of other races. Right now, loving someone who is racist feels a lot harder. Lord, help me to see him with eyes of grace. I do not know his background, his education or lack of eduction, where he grew up, what experiences he has had. Please help me to love him and those I encounter with ideas like his. At the same time, please open his eyes to Your love for those who are different from him. Amen.

Blogging

I always start blogs and never write in them, or stop writing in them after awhile. But I thought I'd give it another try. I've been partly motivated to start another blog by the fact that we are going to have a new addition to our family in about 6 months, and I thought this would be a good place to update the progress of that to family and friends. We are very excited, and just officially announced it to our Chattanooga friends last Saturday. We had a "Spring Harvest Celebration" to celebrate local food and Kyle's beautiful garden... but actually our main reason for the party was to announce that we're going to be having a baby. It was very fun, and worth the wait even though I complained about it (Kyle was the one who really wanted to make it into a big announcement). I am not so good at waiting and being patient.

I am in the process of boycotting ebay and trying to figure out whether I should go back to selling on ebay or try selling my dolls at another online auction site, or at an antique co-op. I may have to go back to ebay I realize... but I am at least going to try out one or two of the other sites. I just think ebay and paypal combined take way too much money. It ends up being something like 12% of what I sell something for, when I consider ebay and paypal's fees. Of course, there may not be anywhere better.. there are less expensive sites but they probably don't get near the amount of traffic, so I won't sell things for as much as I would be able to on ebay. So it's kind of a catch 22. But... right now I'm planning to focus on getting ready for a yard sale, to sell alot of the dolls that aren't really worth selling online. So hopefully that will go well.

A house full of dolls!

I rely a lot on images to communicate things. So I'll start my blog with a photo that seems to best apply to my life right now. I have a lot of dolls. This is a picture of all the boxes full of dolls filling our extra bedroom (no, now would not be the best time to come and visit). Right now there are dolls taking over every part of our house. We bought a HUGE collection of dolls to resell (around 500 dolls- about 5 pick-up truck fulls). I've collected dolls since I was in second grade, and enjoy learning about dolls and reselling them, but after this I don't think I'm going to want to look at another doll! ;)